Whether you realize it or not, everyone starts to sleep train their baby in the first 24 hours of life. When I was pregnant with my first child I read about a newborn sleeping schedule that just made sense to me. So I tried it with my first and he was sleeping 8 hour nights by 8 weeks old. I did the same with the rest of my 4 other children and they were all sleeping 8 hours by 6-8 weeks old!
We never had to go through the endless sleepless nights of crying children. Or feeling exhausted after 6+ month of interrupted sleep. No waking up to crying, waking up to feed, no waking up the husband saying “its your turn” for months on end. Seems too good to be true, right?
If you think this is unrealistic, I promise you its not. But I will tell you this, its not for everyone. My sister, for example, when I told her my schedule she was stress out by it. This method gave me peace but gave her stress. If a method of sleep training stresses you out, its not worth it. Find something that works for you. Every sleep training method has some aspect of stress but some are harder for some vs others. The idea is to choose the hard that works best for you.
This may not be for you…
First, a disclaimer: This method of sleep training may not work if you baby is under 7 lbs. All my babies have been close to or over 8 lbs. Being over 8 lbs makes a big difference. Once the baby is 8 lbs they can handle an 8 hours night between feeding. Baby’s who are less then 8 lbs typically wake up more often. Most of the internet specialist say a baby must be woken up to eat every 5 hours if they are under 12 lbs or under 6 months old. I personally, from experience, and advice from my midwifes and seasoned mothers, do not agree with the internet specialists. If the baby sleeps 8 hours on their own, they are ready.
Newborn Schedule, Starting Day 1
Congratulations! You had your baby! Your goal today is to nurse. The baby will want to sleep a lot in the first 24 hours and that is good, let the baby sleep. But to train your baby to sleep at night and eat during the day try to nurse every 2 hours. Sometimes it will be a success and sometimes it wont. That okay.
Day 1 is all about starting your rhythm. Every 2 hours try to nurse for a few minutes. If in about15 minutes you can’t get them to wake up enough to latch don’t worry. Let them sleep for another 2 hours and try again. If they wake up hungry but its hasn’t been 2 hours, feed them. Don’t worry about “the schedule” at this point. Find your rhythm.
If they have gone 4-5 hours without nursing then you may want to try a little harder. But don’t get worried. My 5th baby (who was 8 lbs 13 oz at birth) loved to sleep. I nursed about 20 minutes after he was born and he latch well. After that, it was about 8 hours later till he latched again and I was trying every hour for a while.
If you are worried and are at the point of needing them to eat and are tempted to try a bottle, even thought you really want to nurse, I advise you to try this first. Hand express some colostrum onto a baby spoon or use a dropper and place it in their lips. Let them lick their lips and get a taste. Then keep trying to nurse.
Pro Tip: Nurse right away. Like, before the placenta is out, try to nurse. Baby comes out, cord is still attracted, baby goes to mama’s chest to regulate body temperature. Nurse as soon as possible.
The First 4 Weeks of Sleep Training Your Baby
Sleep training begins with how you nurse during the day. Your milk will come in between 2-3 days after birth. The milk that you have been feeding the baby the first 3 days is called colostrum. Colostrum is full of great nutrients that help prepare your baby for life. When you start producing milk you will feel it. Your boobs will get massive. It can be painful for a bit but soon everything will regulate. It will regulate fast if you keep a nursing schedule.
Start your day at the same time everyday. It may be against everything you thought in the beginning but I highly recommend stetting an alarm clock for the morning. I start my baby’s day at 8:00am. We nurse at that same time everyday. Then we follow the clock nursing every two hours. I know, “Don’t wake a sleeping baby”, in my house, this applies only at night. During the day, wake them up, every two hours.
Bedtime for us is 10:00pm (for the first 4ish week). So throughout the day I’ve nursed 8 times. Now that 10:00pm has hit I don’t wake up my baby. Let the baby sleep as long as they want. When they wake up, feed them. You will notice that they will keep their own schedule during the night waking up at similar times during the night.
Nursing the Baby to Sleep
Contrary to some other sleep training methods I almost never nurse my babies to sleep. If they fall asleep while nursing that’s okay. But I do not nurse my babies to get them to sleep and here is why. Food fuels us. It gives us energy. So most of the time your baby will want to be awake after they have been fed. They may sleep for a few minutes then wake up happy and alert.
If you baby is always sleepy during or after nursing that is also normal. It takes energy to digest and sometimes it can make them sleepy to digest all their food. But what I’m trying to say is, don’t fall into a pattern of your baby depending on nursing in order to fall asleep. Or you will be waking up in the middle of the night, when they are not hungry but need to nurse in order to fall asleep again.
Should I let my baby cry themself to sleep?
Letting you baby cry themselves to sleep is definitely controversial. In our family we have let our kids cry or fuss themselves to sleep. But I do believe you can sleep train your babies without the shedding of many tears.
There are lots of internet exports on this subject if you want to learn more about why you should or why you shouldn’t let your baby’s cry when sleep training. Here I will briefly go over some of the boundaries I give me and my baby’s when it comes to them ‘crying it out’.
I don’t leave them to scream themselves to sleep. There is a difference between screaming, crying and fussing. You will know the difference.
How I let my baby ‘cry it out’
I would let me baby’s fuss or tired cry themselves to sleep for at least one of their naps during the day so that they would get used to falling asleep without any assistance. Not every nap and I was never strict about it but saw it more of a practice. I want my baby to know how to fall back asleep on their own in when the abnormally wake in the middle of the night. Yes, I would do this as early on as 1 month old. Also, again I practiced this when I was well rested and when it was day. It was okay if they didn’t fall asleep right away.
In the middle of the night, I don’t want them to cry so much they wake themselves up more. I will attend to them pretty quickly. If its a feeding time I will nurse. If not, I will not nurse them to sleep but I will hold a pacifier in their mouth till they fall asleep. When needed, I will hold and rock them to sleep. As they get older and If they wake up abnormally in the the middle of the night, I check the clock and time how long it takes them to fall back asleep. I typically don’t let it go longer then 5 minutes sometimes 10, before attending them. If their cry changes from tired and turns to a desperate cry or scream I attend them right away.
Nurse, Play, Sleep, Repeat
During the day, to sleep train your baby, follow patterns to create habits that will benefit you at night. Nurse, Play, Sleep, Repeat.
Even when they are just a few days old you can create this habit with them. Nurse, burp, do a few simple arm and leg stretches, give lots of kisses, change diaper. At first, this maybe takes 5-10 minutes then your baby is ready to sleep again. As the baby gets older their awake time gets longer.\
Changing the Schedule
Once your baby is staying awake for about 1 hour or longer you are ready to start nursing every 3 hours. This will allow your baby to still get a good 2 hour nap between feeding. This always happens for me earlier then I expect. Around 4-6 weeks has been normal for my kids.
Now my daily schedule has changed but my start of the day and end of the day has not. I still wake up my baby around 8am and end the day around 10pm. My nursing schedule ends up being 8:00, 11:00, 2:00, 5:00, 8:00 and then sometime between 9-10pm I nurse again and put down for the night.
Around 3-4 months old this schedule changes again as your baby starts staying awake longer and longer. When your baby is staying awake consistently 2 two in-between naps you will want to give the opportunity for 2 hour naps. That’s when I start nursing every 4 hours. 8am, 12pm, 4, 8 and 9-10 bedtime.
I typically don’t change my schedule after that until I’m introducing solids foods between 6-9 month.
Nursing at Night
During the day for the first month its important to wake you baby up every 2 hours to nurse. This is going to train your baby them when its day versus night and keep them well fed. With this schedule at night they will easily sleep 3-5 hours during the night.
Nurse your baby and put them to bed around 10:00pm, do not wake them up. Wait until they wake up to feed them. You will find they will create their own nightly schedule. A typical schedule that my kids have had has been approximately 2am, 5am then 7am. Even if they wake up 7am, I wake them up and feed them again at 8:00am to start our day.
Transitions
Eventually your baby will start to sleep even longer during the night. So instead of waking up at 2am they may wake up closer to 3 or 4, then again at 6:00, and then start the day at 8:00am. This takes out one feeding.
If your baby does this 2 or 3 nights in a row, or multiple times during the week, you know they are ready to change their night time rhythm. Now they they are down to 2 feeding during the night, 3am and 6am and we start our day at 8am. If your baby wakes before 3am, I give them a pacifier till it is closer to the normal nursing time.
During these transition times you might have a few long nights here and there or really early mornings, but believe me when I say it doesn’t last long. Take your cues from your baby. When they want to sleep 5-6 hours straight help them by not nursing them during that time. Give them the pacifier to help them go back to sleep, if they wake up.
Follow the baby’s lead, then reinforce the longer sleep patterns they have proven to you. With this sleep training structure I have had all 5 of my kids sleep 8 hours by 8 weeks old! Ending my day at 10pm and going until 6:00am, then waking them up at 8:00 to start our day. By 12 weeks most of my kids have been sleeping 10 hours. No more nursing at night. We go to bed at between 9-10pm and wake up at 8am.
Mistakes I see other Moms make When Sleep Training
I have heard from so many other moms how well their baby is sleeping through the night. They say things like “this last week they didn’t wake up to 3 or 4am, but last night they woke up a 1am to nurse”. If they are starting a habit of sleeping long nights and then randomly wake up or regress, don’t nurse them. Help them self sooth, give them a pacifier but do not nurse just to get them to go back to sleep.
Another mistake I see mom make is creating the bedtime too early. I talk to a mom who’s baby was a month older than mine saying she was still waking up every 2 hours to nurse. When I asked her what time she put her to bed she said 7pm. Then the mom would go to bed at 11pm and wake up at 1, 3 and 5am to nurse. Her baby was sleeping from 7pm to 1am. That is a wonderful 6 hour stretch but the mom was unable to take advantage of it because it was to early in the evening.
Nursing before every nap is another mistake. If during the day you nurse before every nap you baby will not know how to go back to sleep without nursing. Teach them during the day to fall asleep with out nursing. Rock them in a rocking chair. Give them a pacifier. Wrap them in a wrap and walk around with them but do not nurse to go to sleep. Nurse to give them energy.
The last mistake I see mom make when sleep training their baby is letting them sleep to long during the day. Don’t be afraid to wake them up during the day if they are sleeping longer than 3 or 4 hours. We want those stretches to be at night so you can also sleep 3-4 hours straight.
Sweet dreams!
I hope what worked for me works for you when sleep training your baby. I have been blessed by my children and their sleeping habits and I hope this knowledge is helpful to you.
Like I said in the beginning, this structure of sleep training may not be for everyone and that is okay. My goal was to have good sleepers so I structured my days to making that possible. Waking up at night to nurse may not bother you, some moms have even expressed to me that they like waking up at night to nurse. If that is for you than sweet dreams! Enjoy your baby, do what works for you and your family. Have peace with the decisions you make and sleep well at night without anxiety over if you are doing it right or not.
Sweet dreams!
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